Falling Short: Confessions of a Would Be Dream Girl

Like any other working actor, I have a many audition stories. This one, which highlights my "shortcomings" is one of my favorites. 

At the beginning of my acting career I was living and working in Chicago.  For actors who are just starting their professional careers, Chicago is a great place to learn the business of the business. The talent pool is smaller, so newer actors will have opportunities that that they may not have in New York or Los Angeles. 

 

One Thursday afternoon I received a call from my agent Jan Marie. Jan was a new agent and the owner of her own agency. She often struggled to get her clients into auditions with many production companies always calling and using the established talent agencies. I’d never heard her this excited.

 

Donna ...you’re in! I got you a spot on Saturday. It took some doing but you’re in!

Jan slow down.  What did you get me into?

An audition for the National Touring Company of Dreamgirls! You're going in for a role in the ensemble.

Dreamgirls premiered on Broadway in 1981. The musical is based upon the show business aspirations and successes  R&B groups like The Supremes and The Shirelles. The musical follows the story of a young female singing trio called "The Dreams", who become music superstars.

 

Auditions for a National Touring Company of Dreamgirls were being held in Chicago. The audition was big news throughout the African-American acting community, and just about everyone I knew was trying to get one of the few coveted audition spots.  But not me. You see, ever since Dreamgirls opened on Broadway, I’d had dreams of being part of the cast…that was until I saw the breakdown:

 

 

Ensemble: Attractive black females, 18-30.  Must sing and move well. 

Height Requirement: 5’6-5’11.

I was heartbroken.  I fell several inches short of 5’6.  When you think of the musical Dreamgirls you think statuesque women like Sheryl Lee Ralph. I'm barely 5'3 so I never got involved in any of the pre-audition hysteria of looking for the perfect songs (up-tempo &  ballad), finding the perfect  outfit, then starving myself to fit into the outfit.  It didn’t matter.  But now, I had a spot that others would kill for. At first I felt guilty about taking a spot away from another actor who fit the height requirement. I hated to break Jan’s bubble but  felt I had no choice.

Jan, thanks. I know you must have worked long and hard to get me that audition. But Jan...I’m too short! The height requirement is 5’6.  I’m barley 5’3 which means I’m really 5’2.

Jan Marie had represented  me for several months. Apparently, she'd never considered my height. Many people are surprised to see how petite I really am. I have long legs and to this day live in heels. The fact that I was barely 5'3 was news to her. 

I heard papers rustling on her desk. 

 Donna…okay I have the breakdown. Oh! You’re right. But I want you to go anyway.  You know how it is. They never really know what they want anyway. You’ve got the voice. What’s the worst that can happen?

I couldn’t say no to Jan Marie. She wouldn’t let me. Jan believed in me like no other agent ever had.

Okay. What time?

Saturday at 12:50. And the callback follows immediately at 1PM.  Bring dance clothes and be prepared to move.

She then told me that she'd snagged me the very last appointment of the preliminary call. She told me to "think tall" and wished me luck. 

I chose 2 songs that I felt showed off my voice and got to work. 

Then, I called Ty. Ty was a friend and costumer who had worked on Broadway and Vegas. (I think he’s in Branson now.) I wanted his professional advice in  styling a tall outfit and assisting me with my hair and makeup. Calling Ty was a brilliant move on my part.  By the time he’d finished with me, I appeared several inches taller.  He insisted I wear a dress to show off my long legs. He looked through my closet and pulled out a black cocktail dress that  I'd gotten on sale and never worn. The form fitting dress hit just below the knee and had a slit that showed “just the right amount” of leg.
He commented that the dress was class not trash.

He even told me what type of undergarments to wear to draw attention away from some areas while drawing attention to others.

He showed me how to  tease my hair to within an inch of it's life before pulling it into a French Twist. The poufy front helped to create the illusion of more height.

Before he came over he'd asked me what size shoe I wore and arrived with a pair of stiletto heels. I love high heels, but had never attempted anything this high. Ty drilled me by having me walk, then strut  up and down the long hallway in my apartment building until my walk appeared completely natural. I have no idea what my neighbors must have thought. 

 

Before Ty left, I thought that maybe I had chance of making the company after all. I had no reservations about my voice, and with my new tall makeover, I just might be able to fake my way to the callback. Ty made me feel even more confident. by telling me that his roommate auditioned earlier in week. 

 

You’ll be on the stage of the Schubert, and the auditors will be at least a third...maybe even halfway back in the orchestra section.  Their distance away from you will work in your favor.




I used this headshot for my Dreamgirls audition.
My resume that day listed my height as 5'6.

The next day, Saturday, I arrived at the stage door of Chicago's Schubert Theater. My newly fudged resume listed my height as 5’6.  Outside of the door I noticed a group of beautiful women dressed to the nines talking about their auditions.  Some weren’t very happy.  It seemed that none of them had sung their ballad, and some barely made it through 16 bars of their up-tempo selection.  And I noticed they were all over 5’6.  It looked like this was going to go really fast.

Auditions were running on time and in a matter of  minutes, I was led onto the stage of the majestic Schubert Theater. So many times I'd been on the other side of the stage in the audience. And so many times I'd dreamed of being on this side of the proscenium. In one of those OMG moments, I realized  I was actually on that stage in a professional capacity. In that moment everything became very real...and I realized just how much I wanted to book this job.

 

I gave my music to Sunny, the pianist, and moved to a mark at the center of the stage. From the stage all I could see was big black pit where the audience seats were. Then a voice from somewhere in the darkness said,  This is Donna Allen. 

 

The pianist played my intro. I pulled myself up as tall as I could and I began to sing. My voice filled the theater and bounced back to me from the house.  By the time I finished my up-tempo selection  I felt at least 5’10.  

 

A  voice from somewhere in the darkness asked if I had a ballad. 

 

 I was amazingly calm as I confidently  nodded to the pianist. I sang my entire ballad, pulling out all of the stops. 

 

 When I finished, I knew  I 'd done well.  And I stood there. And I continued to stand there to the point where I felt uncomfortable. I was expecting to be dismissed with  a thank you, or asked to stay for the callback, but there was silence. 

 

I looked back at the pianist because she was the only person I could see. She smiled and nodded as if to say, “It’s okay. Just wait.” 

 

That’s when I heard the voice from the dark again. 

Miss Allen, just a moment please. 

 

Then I heard several whispering voices.  There seemed to be a lot of people out there in the dark. Finally the voice spoke again…but not to me. 

 

Sunny, would you do us a favor and go stand next to Miss Allen? 

 

I thought that was odd. The pianist came and stood next to me. She was short!

 

Miss Allen would you please remove 1 shoe?

No! I’d come too far to leave now. I removed one shoe while remaining standing, perfectly poised on the opposite leg and my stiletto heeled foot.  There was laughter from the dark.

Thank you, Miss Allen. Would you humor us, and stand on stand on your other leg. 

All of a sudden, Sunny became tall, and my true size--short, was revealed.

Thank you.

I took my music, and exited through the Schubert’s stage door, still not quite believing what had just transpired.  I hailed a cab, suddenly feeling severely overdressed and made-up in the harsh daylight.




From a Dreamgirls production touring The Netherlands.
 



 

So, I would never become a member of the Dreamgirls ensemble. I did take pride in the fact that I’d had a good audition. I still laugh at the mental image of myself standing on the stage of the Schubert Theater on one foot in my black cocktail dress. 

 

Over the years there would be other auditions and other jobs.  I booked one job simply because I was the shortest woman who attended the call. They knew. Good things come in small packages.

The 1st National Tour of DREAMGIRLS opened at the Shubert Theatre in Los Angeles on Sunday, March 20, 1983. After three stops, the tour proved too expensive to run and closed early.

The View From My Neighborhood, Hollywood: A Resident's Eyeview of the Oscars

At first everything looks normal as people are going about their Saturdays. The weather is beautiful and it's a good day to run errands, work out, or simply relax at a neighborhood eatery, coffee shop or bar. At this point all you notice are the signs warning you that there will be limited parking on Sunday. Those who ignore the signs will be towed.

As I look at one of these signs, a man walking his dog comments. "They towed me last year. It wasn't fun." Surprisingly, the man is not bitter. In fact, he's rather cheerful.

It's Oscar time in Hollywood.

Preparations for tomorrow's ceremony have been going on for
weeks, but the residents of Hollywood began to feel the effects of the upcoming broadcast in last week or so. For most of us who are aware, we simply read the signs and avoid certain area s for  few weeks while our lives pretty much continue as usual. Those who are unaware find street closures.

Things have come a long way from the first modern day Oscar's in Hollywood back in 2002; the first post 9/11 Oscar's when the security was at an all time high. The blocks surrounding the Kodak Theater were closed to the public. Residents living in the area had to show photo IDs to get into the area and to their homes. At the time, I was living just outside of the barricaded area, but still had to deal with two weeks of congested traffic. Over the last few weeks I have noticed an increased police presence, but nothing more than that, at least not yet.

While I vow to stay away from the preparations of Hollywood's most glamorous night of the year, I find myself drawn to the area before the ceremony. This area where tourists normally flock to see the Chinese Theater, The Hollywood Walk of Fame and iconic Hollywood Sign are now witness to an international media event.

The Grand Staircase

Today, I took a walk to see my neighborhood getting ready for it's big night. Today will be the last day that the public will be allowed in the vicinity of the Dolby Theater until after tomorrow's ceremony.
 

Shorts & Tee today. Evening gown tomorrow.

The area is
crowded with visitors who are in awe of the amount of press (local, national and international)  already broadcasting. There are rehearsals in progress as stand-ins for the stars walk the red carpet. I see several entertainment reporters (almost unrecognizable without hair, makeup and wardrobe) reviewing notes and acquainting themselves with the new technology that they'll be using during the broadcast.

The staircase just outside the Dolby Theater  newly covered in a red carpet, looks regal. I try to imagine climbing those stairs wearing 4 1/2"heels.

It's hard to maneuver the sidewalk due to so many people in so little space, but I do hear pieces of conversations:

I'd give anything if I could  just stand on the red carpet...for just a moment!

Just think...tomorrow George Clooney and Leonardo  DiCaprio will be here breathing the same air we are. The same air!

You mean they rehearse for the red carpet?

 Are there any stars here now?

OMG! There's that girl from Extra! You know...that girl from TV! She's so thin!

I thought the Oscar's were tomorrow.


At the entrance of the Dolby Theater

Mom, this is stupid. Can we go to Disneyland? I mean, who's this Oscar guy anyway?

It's all so glamorous and exciting! I don't believe I'm really here! Take my picture so I'll have proof that I walked in the same footsteps as the stars!

I find myself trying to see the events in front of me through the eyes of the visitors and feel some of their excitement.  They're genuinely excited to be here. I forget that for many, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Los Angeles relies heavily on the motion picture industry (Hollywood) and tourism to support the economy. By enjoying Oscar preparations, I suppose many visitors are supporting both.

Tomorrow, my husband and I will observe our Oscar Day tradition. We'll go to work, order carryout and take an alternate route into Hollywood to avoid Oscar traffic. We'll be ready to present photo ID's (if necessary) to provide proof of residency. The goal is to be home by the start of the broadcast. I'll say that I'm not really interested this year and try to do other things around the house. Invariably, I'll end up watching most of the show.

And then, probably by Wednesday or Thursday, it will be as if the Oscar's never happened. Streets will be open, parking restrictions will have been lifted and people will return to their routines.
Most will forget who won this or that award, and who wore who on the red carpet as Hollywood returns to normal.

But then we're talking about my neighborhood, Hollywood where normal will mean different things to different people. But for a few hours tomorrow night, Hollywood's normal will be gold.



The 88th Academy Award aired Sunday, February 28 on ABC.
(I wore GAP.)



Are You Ready for Your Closeup? Actor's Headshots

I came home after an unusually long day at work to a blinking light on my answering machine. (Yes, I still have an answering machine as a kind of communication security blanket.) It was my agent. She spoke some of the most frightening words an actor can hear:

I think it's time for new headshots.

She couldn't be serious. It seemed like I'd just gotten new shots last year-- or was it two or three years ago? And my photos still looked at me, right?

When I met with my agent the next week, she assured me that my shots did look like me, but that in this day and age of abundant digital submissions, I needed to update my photos to remain fresh. She explained that those casting would stop seeing a shot that they've been seeing for months-it's just human nature. She then went on to say that she's recommending that her clients update their photos at least once a year to remain competitive. She had a point. I called my photographer that day.

Many professional actors, like myself stress over headshots, one of the most important marketing tools for actors. An ideal headshot is a true representation of the performer. While it goes without saying, your headshot should look like you look, today. Thanks to technology, the industry standard has shifted to color photographs that capture skin tone and present a more accurate image of the actor. But your actor's headshot should also capture your personality--something happening beyond the eyes, so to speak.

Like so many young eager actors, my first headshots were a disaster. I was going to audition for summer stock theater for the first time and needed a headshot. I had no idea how to go about obtaining one. During spring break, I returned to my home in the Midwest and went to a photographer my parents knew. He took  photographs,((head, neck and shoulders) of me in a Danskin leotard. These were perfect examples of what not to do. The photographs were stiff, overly posed and looked like a senior yearbook photo. Ironically my own senior photos were casual candid  shots and reflective my truer self. If the glamor shot places in malls existed then, I may have gone there and produced another set of unusable headshots. These shots, while glamorous, don't reflect the subject as they truly are. How many of us are constantly overly made up and air-bushed to unreal perfection?

I did a second session with another photographer less than a year later, also back in my Midwestern hometown. This photographer was an artist who dabbled in photography. I described what I needed, and he delivered several shots, some of which were usable. However, I failed to get them reproduced properly, getting really good Xerox copies. Miraculously, one of these shots led to one of my first acting jobs in Chicago.



A new actor in Chicago

Once in Chicago, I had my first professional headshot session. The husband and wife photography team encouraged me to consider the types of jobs that I would be auditioning for (high school & college students, fast food counter girls, entry level office workers), which I admit was something I'd never thought about. The shots done that day accurately reflected me as a young woman in her late teens and early twenties.

To be honest, I hated my first real headshot so much that I got rid of all of them years ago. It was cute, wholesome and so not me.  Like any other twenty-something I was still trying to figure out who I was as an actor, and as a person. (My mother loved the shot, saying that I looked just like singer Leslie Uggams.) But funny thing, that young looking picture got me into several auditions that resulted in several bookings. I played teens into my thirties.

Throughout this post I've included a few of my favorite commercial headshots that trace my career from a twenty-two year old novice in Chicago through the present in Los Angeles. I recently shared these photos with my current agent. She made an interesting comment:

You look the same. What changes is your confidence level as you've grown as a performer.

 I've done several headshot sessions, (in Chicago and LA) and have shot with many photographers. I've shot with people who were at the time the new hot photographer in town,  photographers who've been referred by actors whose headshots I liked and new photographers just starting out. It doesn't matter, just since the final result is a true reflection of you.

I'd like to share a few things to keep in mind regarding actors headshots.

-Never shoot with a photographer whose work you've never seen. You want to see the caliber of work before you commit to a session. This can be easily done online or in person. The perk of meeting someone face to face is that you're able to gauge your comfort level with this person.

-Do take photographer recommendations from actors you know and trust.

-Never be forced into using a photographer. (I've heard horror stories of less reputable agents and managers getting kickbacks from photographers.

The first shot I felt truly
reflected me

-The amount of money you pay has nothing to do with the finished product.

-The new hot photographer in town may not be the right photographer for you. I once shot with the new hot person in Chicago who intimidated me so much I cold hardly relax. Much later I shot with the new hot person in LA. Beautiful work and the most money I've ever paid for headshots. The problem was that you could easily spot this woman's work. It seemed that the photographer had become more important than the performer in the headshot.

-Do you want to hire a makeup artist? This is primarily for women. If you feel comfortable and confident doing your own makeup, do it yourself. In this digital age you can always see how you look before your session begins. I also let the photographer advise me to whether or not I should touch up or alter my makeup as the shoot progresses. I started doing my own makeup years ago when I was about to go into a shoot and was undecided about whether or not to have my makeup done professionally. I was told that the client before me was using a makeup artist they worked with regularly and could stay for me if I desired. As it turned out, the actor before had my coloring. Her makeup was nice, but I knew I could do a better myself. I've done my own makeup ever since. Doing my own makeup is one of my relaxation rituals before a headshot session.

More relaxed in Los Angeles

-If possible, talk to your agent or manager before you shoot. Make sure your goals for your headshot sessions are the same. Make sure you know how your agent sees and is marketing you. Ask if there are any current trends you should embrace or avoid (career specific wardrobe, for example) I always ask which categories and age ranges my agent is submitting me for most. If you don't yet have representation, talk to an acting coach, or an actor who knows you and whose opinion you trust.

-Have a good idea of how the industry sees you. This is something that will change over time. (If at this point in your career, you're an ingénue, don't be photographed as a vixen.)

-When you arrive at your session, leave your worries at the door, have fun and relax!

-Be proactive during your session. If an outfit or line of direction isn't working for you, say something.

-Keep reproductions to a minimum. Thankfully, actors don't need as many photo reproductions as we used to since most castings are done through online submissions.

This 3/4 shot would never work today.

-Have a headshot that pops: Most casting directors are looking online at smaller versions of your headshot online. Make sure your headshot pops with color and a strong attitude. Remember, you're sharing the screen with several other actors. A picture that doesn't pop won't be as easily noticed. A vibrant color and good attitude will help your shot get noticed.

-Keep your headshots updated: I always tried to reshoot every other year. Because technology has increased the number of submissions to those in casting, some industry insiders are recommending that actors change their shots at least once a year to remain fresh and viable.

-Hopefully you'll have many shots to choose from. Get opinions from those closest to you, and your representation. But remember, let the final decision be yours. With that in mind...


My last black & white headshot

-DO NOT BE OVERCRITICAL OF YOUR OWN SHOTS!



From a recent session with Robert Kazandjian
www.kazphoto.com

Several years ago, I was looking at a friend's new headshots. I've known this actor for years, and these were not only his best shots, but these were some of the best headshots I'd ever seen. I made a note to myself that I'd ask for a referral the next time I needed shots, and promptly forgot. When I was asking my agent about photographers, she recommended Robert--who turned out to be the same man who'd done the great shots of my friend the year before. Recently, I did my third headshot session with Robert Kazandjian (http://www.kazphoto.com/). Until Robert, I'd never returned to a photographer. I love Robert's work, he's easy to work with, and I always have too many choices, which is a very good thing.

A few years ago, I did do a session with another photographer from Chicago who was visiting Los Angeles. Beka is one of my oldest friends. She is a multi-talented artist who I met while singing piano bar in the early days of my career. I'd seen several examples of her headshot photography on her website and genuinely liked her worked. I was curious to see how someone who knew me so well would capture me.

 

Beka arrived in Los Angeles less than two weeks after I lost my father. I almost considered cancelling our shoot because of my emotional state. We shot late one Saturday morning, outdoors on and around Santa Monica Boulevard in Hollywood. The shots were amazing. She captured a part of me that had always eluded the camera. She put it this way:

These shots show a woman that has been through something.

Beka The Pic-Chick Chicago, IL
https://www.facebook.com/PhotosByBeka/?ref=hl

My favorite Beka shot is my current author's photo that I'm using for my Romantic Series, Fall Again. (Incidentally, I showed this shot to Robert Kazandjian last fall during our last headshot session. He loved Beka's shot.)

I recently found this short film of an experiment done in Australia by The Lab. In Decoy, six photographers shot a single subject. Each was told something different about who the subject was before their sessions. The final photos are amazing and surprisingly different as they created photographs based on their own perceptions. As an actor, I found Decoy interesting and telling. It reminded me that different people, and not only photographers, will see you in entirely different ways.



I was a having coffee with an actor friend of mine recently. She pulled up a headshot on her phone and asked for my opinion. I liked the shot because it captured her physically and emotionally. It captured an inner essence that is often missing in headshots. Both the composition and lighting were beautiful.  She laughed. "My husband took this on his phone a few weeks ago. I liked the picture and showed it to my agent who insisted we put it on my online profile. I just had some of these reproduced. Can you believe it? A headshot taken on a phone!"

Is this the way of the future? I don't know. In the meantime, I'm keeping Robert's number on speed dial.

A Note to New Authors

 

                                                         May 28, 2015 Late Afternoon

I'd been nervously sitting at my laptop for what seemed like hours contemplating an action that could potentially be life changing. Finally, I  began to feel foolish and decided I couldn’t postpone the inevitable. I took a deep breath, and clicked. And just like that, I published my first novel.

In retrospect, this was a fairly anticlimactic moment as things in my life pretty much remained the same. And now I was no longer simply a writer. I was the one person sales & marketing team for my novel as I entered a new world full of uncertainties, contradictions and every once in a while, victories. And I’ve learned to celebrate even the smallest victories.

I'm currently in the process of revising my third novel, California Girl, in my series, Fall Again. I’ve had time to reflect on lessons learned from my first two novels and am looking forward to my next book’s publication with confidence and excitement-- instead of trepidation.

 Since I'm a fairly new author myself, I’d like to pass on a few things I've learned to new authors.

Mentors Rock. I was grateful to have two published authors, (one in my genre), as mentors who led me through the publishing process and held my hand when necessary. These people had been where I was and understood everything I was going through artistically, emotionally and technically. 

Have a marketing plan. Do your research and have a plan. There are so many aspects of publishing (traditional & self -publishing) that are beyond your control. Having a good marketing plan will help you maintain some amount of control and sanity. There is a plethora of free information online. (The Create Space Community & -marketingforromancewriters.org- a Yahoo group, as well as other authors have been invaluable resources.

What works for one author won’t necessarily work for another. Marketing is a tricky endeavor, and nothing is guaranteed. I've often described marketing as a Rubik's Cube--a puzzle with many solutions. Find the one(s) that work for you.

Imagine my surprise when I learned
 YouTube star GloZell
read and enjoyed my book.

Don’t expect your closest friends and family to review or even read your book. This was a hard one for me since I just assumed that those who had cheered me on during the writing process would be my first readers. Once I published, some of these people never mentioned my book again! Don’t ruin relationships. Do remember to thank those who read, and especially those who post reviews.

Remember, you have a life beyond your book. Don’t forget your spouse, children and pets. Remember to eat right, exercise and sleep. In short, take care of yourself. You and those around you will be happier!

Enjoy the ride! Publishing a book is a major accomplishment that many only dream and talk about…but you actually did it! Congrats.

Danni: my loyal office manager

As I wrote Fall Again, I never thought about publishing, marketing or sales. My primary goal was to create a story and characters that people would enjoy.

Three weeks after I published Fall Again: Beginnings, I received a note via my website:

I have fallen in love with the characters in this novel and anxiously waiting for Lost Boy. Any idea when it might be released? Absolutely beautiful novel!!

 I couldn’t have been happier!

Congratulations...and don’t forget to enjoy the ride!



The Fall Again Series




 

 

 

 
 
 

My Actor's Journey Home to New York-- with Special Guest Star Maurice White

A note to new and young actors and other artists: always have a plan. Then expect that plan to change.

 Again, I was sitting in front of my laptop staring  at another obituary. We'd lost another amazing artist. This time, Maurice White, the founder and lead singer of the iconic group, Earth Wind and Fire. The man had a smooth soulful voice that was part of the soundtrack of my life. Upbeat optimistic songs like Fantasy, Shining Star and September always made me happy, and on occasion sent me running to the dance floor. This music would live forever!

But Maurice White's passing struck a personal cord. Thinking of him  brought up memories of my first professional acting jobs and my unorthodox journey to New York City. This will make sense later.

I booked my first acting job when I was a junior at Emerson College in Boston, MA. I had desperately wanted to attend college in New York City, but my parents wouldn't even consider the thought. The idea of me ever being in New York was terrifying to them. But once I had my degree in hand, I'd move to New York with its hustle and bustle, art,  history and culture. Most importantly, the center of the American Theater was in New York. I planned to make my living on the stage and could never imagine calling any place else home.

At Emerson, I was cast as Vera (the ingénue) in A Month in the Country. A casting director from WGBH (Public Television) was looking for young-looking actors to portray high school students in a new television series, The New Voice. The show centered around the staff of a high school newspaper, The Voice. (The Christian Science Monitor called it Lou Grant with teenagers.)

Several of us were brought in to audition.  A few months, later I was booked on the show. I was  shaking as I took the call from casting on the pay phone in my dormitory hallway. I was told what to bring, given a call time, and told  I'd be paid $25 for the day. Casting also gave me a brief description of my character; "You're a mean spirited student who makes an insensitive remark about another student."

I remember arriving at the WGBH Studio on the morning of my shoot. I arrived early; a habit I've maintained to this day. My makeup was applied professionally for the first time and wardrobe put me in a wrap around denim skirt and green button down shirt. I remember being escorted to the set and trying not to be overwhelmed by the flurry of activity, crew, lights and camera.

 My scene took place in the school's hallway. The situation involved the arrival of a new Native American student.  I was to come around the corner, see him, and deliver the line, "Where's John Wayne when you need him." I was to laugh sarcastically as I exited downstage. I was directed to keep it real. I tried to forget that my grandfather was Native American , and channeled my inner "bitch."
Two takes later it was over. The stage manager thanked me and told me I'd done a good job. I hated to leave.

Later in my dorm room, I sat on my bed holding my check from WGBH. In a surreal moment realized I was now a professional actor. The next year, after graduation, I'd be moving to New York where I'd have more days like this one.

I held on to my day on set by keeping my makeup on until I went to bed. I fell asleep reliving every moment on set that day, and imagined my life in New York City.

But a funny thing happened on my way to New York. I ended up in Chicago.

A few months before graduation I started to make plans. While I was still  focused on getting to New York, to remain proactive, I mailed out my first (awful ) headshots and resumes to 20 theaters in different parts of the country- I remember The Arena Stage in Washington, DC and ACT in San Francisco received packets. I laugh at my naiveté. Had I'd known that in reality a cold mailing was virtually useless, I would have saved the postage.

Meanwhile in Boston, I had a good audition an callback for the Boston Shakespeare Company. I prayed for a phone call  offering me a position by the end of the week when the final decisions were made.  If I was in Boston, at least I'd only be a few hours away from New York.

Friday night, I was devastated, having not received a phone call.

But Monday afternoon, a theater in Chicago called me on the dorm pay phone. They had received one of my packets-- and wanted to talk to me about the possibility of me coming to Chicago. Long story short, a week later I was in Chicago beginning my first day of rehearsal at The Free Street Theater. I was hired as an Actor's Equity Apprentice for $150/week.

A few nights later, I received a call from a dorm mate in Boston. "Boston Shakespeare is trying to get in touch with you. They want to offer you a contract for their touring company!"  I hung up the phone and cried.

I was in Chicago and employed as an actor in a professional theater company. I decided that I was in Chicago for a reason, and I stayed for three and a half years. I made the best of my time.  By the time I left, I had several theater, commercial and industrial credits. I supplemented my actor's  income by singing piano bar and by sometimes doing commercial modeling.

I was further away from New York than I wanted to be, but honestly, NYC was still only a plane ride away.

A commercial modeling gig in Chicago

Chicago is a wonderful place for an actor to begin a career and learn the business of the business. A few years later when I was again plotting my move to New York , I 'd joined SAG, AFTRA and was eligible to join AEA. Professional credits and  being a union member would make me a viable performer in NYC.

But then, a weird thing happened. A friend of a friend was visiting from Los Angeles. I was told this man was in the industry. I remember smiling politely because I'd learned that many people outside of the industry only think they know someone in the industry. He gave me his card and I thought nothing of it...until he called me a month later. Apparently, he had a friend casting a new television series, and there was a role that might be right for me. He asked if it would be possible for me to be in LA in three weeks. This sounded too good to be true.

I was young, but I'd developed some business savvy. I asked if I could look at my calendar and call him back the next morning. In reality I wanted to do some research. In this pre-internet age, I called  a reference librarian at the Chicago Public Library and gave her the information on the business card. This man turned out to be a legitimate talent manager who represented named talent. His father helped to establish The William Morris Agency in Los Angeles.

I'd never been west of the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. I'd never thought about Los Angeles let alone living in los Angeles. But in a huge leap of faith, I left Chicago three weeks later, for good.  I felt I couldn't pass on this opportunity. New York, while now an even longer plane ride away, would always be there.

When I left Chicago it was seventeen degrees. When I arrived in LA, it was sunny and seventy-five degrees.

 I didn't book the role that initially brought me to LA. But remember, an actor is always auditioning for the future. The casting director I first met also cast a soap opera, and asked if I'd be interested. (She would put me to work the next year. My first scene was with Genie Francis on Days of Our Lives.)

I  loved the laid back atmosphere in Los Angeles. The city is large, but I soon discovered areas and neighborhoods that I enjoyed. I loved the weather, views and the fact that I could find absolutely anything and everything.

The professional opportunities seemed endless. My LA contact was helping me find representation. But in the meantime, I was invited to his office everyday to look through the breakdowns. His office would make submissions on my behalf.

A few weeks after arriving in Los Angeles, I had my first LA audition on a street called Melrose Place. I don't remember too much after I learned this was an audition for a music video for Maurice White of Earth Wind and Fire. He was doing a solo project and had recorded a cover of Ben King's Stand By Me. Two days later I booked my first LA job.

The next week, I arrived at the makeup trailer for the Stand By Me music video. I was part of the street ensemble. They wanted me to look very young, so they applied a lot of pink blusher, lipstick and teased my hair. Wardrobe put me in a white mini skirt and go go boots that were a half size too small, but I didn't care.

I remember Maurice White on the set. He was friendly, down to earth and said hello to everyone, myself included. It all seemed so normal. At 2:00 AM, I was dancing to playback on the streets of Hollywood below the iconic Hollywood sign--and everything seemed right. I was happy, content and performing. A serene feeling came over me as I realized I was never going to be a New Yorker. I was already home in Los Angeles.



Maurice White. Stand By Me.1985 by capitainfunkk

While I'd always planned to be a New Yorker, circumstances continually moved me west until I found my way home to California. Five years after my arrival in Los Angeles, I met my husband. I've continued to work as an actor, and recently began writing.

A few years ago, as I began writing what would eventually turn into Fall Again, (a four-part contemporary romance series), one of my goals was to create a realistic look at the lives of working actors and other artists. My characters are grounded hard working professionals, each with his or her own path.  It's not autobiographical, though some events were inspired by incidents in my life, or the lives of fellow performers. The most recent novel Fall Again: Lost Boy deals with  the life of a New York actor who becomes disillusioned with New York. This is the story of his search for professional and personal fulfillment. This is in addition to a primary romantic storyline.

Those of us in the creative and performing arts are often misunderstood by the general population who can't understand that we can make a real living in an artistic or creative field. During one of my most successful years in the industry, my father asked me I got paid for appearing on TV shows and commercials.

As a newcomer to Hollywood in the Stand By Me Video

Today

The Stand by Me music video was shot in Hollywood on Cherokee
between Hollywood Boulevard and Selma Avenue, blocks away from where I'm currently living. When I heard about Maurice White's passing, I took a walk over to the location of the Stand By Me video and where I began my career in Los Angeles.  I suppose in an indirect way, Maurice White had something to do with that. If he had not recorded the song, there would not have been a video which marked the beginning of my professional life in this city that I've come to love and call home.

While I've highlighted several of my successes, remember, like any creative, I've had good years, not so good years and extremely challenging years. I've had periods of self doubt, have had family issues about my career choices, and have seen the industry and rules change for working class actors like myself. Thankfully I've always been able to reinvent myself when necessary, have clung to a strong work ethic, (an artistic career is hard work), and have never lost my passion.

I looked at the building where the Stand By Me video began. I said a silent goodbye to a man, who has been part of the soundtrack of my life, and in a way, unknowingly helped me find my way home.